11 June 2011


Some days I just wonder why I bother keeping a sketchbook full of ideas, as it seems that most will never come to anything.  I look around and see how much NEEDS to be done that it seems frivolous to even entertain the idea that I will have free time to develop any of them. 
It feels so good to get them out and on paper, but then comes the day when I just look at it all and feel overwhelmed with thoughts of guilt and the feeling that my life will be far to short to see them to the finish -- then follows that inevitable thought... "what is the point"?
I think too, of the projects that seem important to me.  Today was one of those days where I could not find any reasoning to explain why I should put time into them.  For what purpose am I learning (re-learning?) german?  What in heaven's name makes me think that putting ideas into patterns for sharing with others is worth spending time on when so much around me seems more of a priority.  Practice those musical instruments, for what? -- who will listen, who cares to?
Perhaps it is my poor abilities for prioritizing that puts me in these funks.  And when I am in them, I just shut down.  I have so many interests that it it overcomes me to the point of paralysis.  I have, at the moment all the lovely leisure that summer brings for me...lighter schedules, less responsibility to others...so why is it when I am gifted with this free time, the leisure that I so long for during the soccer season,  I am not driven or even slightly motivated to work on all those ideas floating around in my head?  Is it fear of failure? ...fear of SUCCESS?  ...do I really need a purpose or goal?  ...can I not just enjoy the journey?  I don't know the answers...


stash haus said...

Why are you not driven/motivated right now?

OK, how about that everyone deserves a vacation. It's summer! (Even though the temps may make us think otherwise.)

Creative outlets are good. It doesn't matter who benefits/listens/shares. What matters is - is it a creative outlet for you? What would you do if you didn't have these outlets? Do you really need a reason - other than it interests you? (We may never make it to Germany together, but I'm still gonna learn!)

And that sketchbook? Stop looking at it like a to-do list. Look at DaVinci! He sketched and sketched ideas. Fascinating. Yet many never came to fruition. Those sketches are your ideas - but that doesn't mean there has to be a progression from that sketch to a finished pattern or project.

STLG! (Stop that lutheran guilt.)

You can enjoy the journey. The purpose may present itself later.

hugs, my friend

-va- said...

...you, are a dear, dear friend!