...the joys of culling

Well, I did not think I could ever do it, but I am now 90% through all my filing cabinets (and there were many) and I have probably TOSSED 90% of the papers I have been through.  Mind you, these are not the important household papers needed for taxes or insurance or investing.  These are files of things like projects, future projects, instruction manuals for various appliances, ideas for decorating, ideas for knitting, ideas for craft/beading projects, house cleaning tips (yes, there were articles about going through files on a regular basis in this folder!) and old school records for the kids.  The stuff in these files meant nothing to anyone else but me really, and they were scattered about the house in so many different filing systems that it was weighing me down greatly.  On a daily basis, I would think about what was in these files, how am I ever going to get to all these projects I've filed away, and how I would ever really find something I might actually need in all the unorganized chaos that was my filing system?  There were labeled boxes, file cabinets, desk top files, plastic storage containers, shoe boxes...I could go on...

But I've taken the big step to empty it all out, sort through it and get the files down to two small boxes.  Excepting one category of papers...I've yet to find a way to organize my "scrap-book" of knitting ideas.  I've got many manila folders and notebooks full of sketches, pictures and magazine clippings and I'm just not sure at this moment how I will organize it all to be useful.  Its a pile of lovely ideas that I am not ready to toss to the recycling bin just yet.  It is not as easy to decide between "keep" and "toss" as the other paper work was.  I want to put it in a large binder format -- that's my idea for now.  But there is so much I've collected that the prospect of doing this seems a bit overwhelming at the moment...

But I'll ride the wave of my success at parting with all the other papers that I've been able to part with and we will see where that takes me...

...enough drama already!

...ok, must have been a bad day when I wrote that last post.  Looking at the date, I realize perhaps what was triggering all the drama.  DH had been gone a week in Mexico for work, and being the off season for one of my jobs, I actually had some time on my hands to just sit and work a few things out.  It was really just the first step in processing all that is going on here in my little space on this planet.  What with two increasingly independent young adult children and more and more time for myself on account of it, I have had much to sort through. 
  I really put too much pressure on myself to make sure I get it right, the use of my time and abilities that is.  I probably should not do that so much, but that, I am afraid, will be a hard habit to break.  I guess at least I am starting to realize that is what I do.  A wise friend has often reminded me to "enjoy the journey".  I am trying to put that foremost.  (perhaps its time to re-read 'The Art of Pilgrimage'...?)
  When I was a kid, my family - mum, dad and two brothers both younger than I - used to go up north every summer.  It was a trip we sooooo looked forward to each year.  I remember it was nearly the same route each time, but we would amble our way up there stopping at waysides to climb trees, walk paths, have a picnic lunch.  There were regular stops, favorite ice cream shops and the like.  It would take us over four and a half hours to get there, what should have taken 3.5739 hours, if the weather and traffic co-operate!
  So what happened?  It seems these days, when we go anywhere, it is drive like crazy, what's the shortest route, undue pressure to get there in the fastest amount of time so as not to waste any of the vacation time getting to the destination.  And its become that with every day life as well. 
  I think that is what was getting to me last week.  It has become time to redefine focus.  I have had the pleasure of another week to sit on my front porch and think about it.  It is time to start using my time purposefully, even if that purpose is to simply watch in wonder the half dozen or so squirrels romp around the trees in my front yard...while I continue to sit on my front porch and think about it...

...why?

Some days I just wonder why I bother keeping a sketchbook full of ideas, as it seems that most will never come to anything.  I look around and see how much NEEDS to be done that it seems frivolous to even entertain the idea that I will have free time to develop any of them. 
It feels so good to get them out and on paper, but then comes the day when I just look at it all and feel overwhelmed with thoughts of guilt and the feeling that my life will be far to short to see them to the finish -- then follows that inevitable thought... "what is the point"?
I think too, of the projects that seem important to me.  Today was one of those days where I could not find any reasoning to explain why I should put time into them.  For what purpose am I learning (re-learning?) german?  What in heaven's name makes me think that putting ideas into patterns for sharing with others is worth spending time on when so much around me seems more of a priority.  Practice those musical instruments, for what? -- who will listen, who cares to?
Perhaps it is my poor abilities for prioritizing that puts me in these funks.  And when I am in them, I just shut down.  I have so many interests that it it overcomes me to the point of paralysis.  I have, at the moment all the lovely leisure that summer brings for me...lighter schedules, less responsibility to others...so why is it when I am gifted with this free time, the leisure that I so long for during the soccer season,  I am not driven or even slightly motivated to work on all those ideas floating around in my head?  Is it fear of failure? ...fear of SUCCESS?  ...do I really need a purpose or goal?  ...can I not just enjoy the journey?  I don't know the answers...

I'm sensing a pattern here...

...I wanted to sit down an do a post about what was on my mind this morning, and realize it was going to be about how this spring morning have my senses reeling yet again.  I'm on my patio with my compulsory cup of coffee, enjoying Deutsches Schlagermusik, morning sunshine, the fresh air and spring blossoms every where.  I'll soon pick up a bit of knitting to complete this moment of bliss ...  *big smile* 
  I am not normally a morning person, but so much was going on later today that will monopolize my time that I felt restless upon waking.  Usually I have a hard time getting moving, but something in me just "turned on" this morning.  Got a big turkey in the oven, got the wash going, got the stray dishes done, swept floors and then thought some morning patio time was in order before the second wave of activity hit.  Not to mention that the house was ALL mine!  Only a sleepy dog to tend to, or more accurately NOT tend to...  *another big smile*
  This afternoon will be the beginning of a busy week.  The last concert of the school year starts it all off.  Following later in the week is work, car recall repair, vet appointment, tutoring lesson, more work, dentist appointment, yet more work...and that is just what I KNOW is scheduled.  That of course is interspersed with housework (that cleaning fairy never seems to make her scheduled appointments here!)...oh, but don't think there will be no fun activity.  Looking forward to a luncheon with "the Brit girls", a coffee out while that car is being looked at, and a visit to the farmers market (all whilst knitting is getting done I hope) So, there always seems to be a bit of balance -- even though I let the responsibility side get a bit heavy, in my mind anyways.
  It is an amazing thing that a simple sit on the porch on a sunny spring morning surrounded by my favorite things can bring that all to light...my life is good...

...wisdom of Oscar

"Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul."
  Surely the dear Mr. Wilde had my magnolias in mind when he wrote this...as well as the aromatic cup of coffee this morning while seated on the patio of Alterra at the Lake watching the eerie fog hovering on the other side of the Lake Drive.  I think ALL the senses were on heightened alerts today.  And this did make for a lovely day!  ...Schlagermusik (yes, a weird little pleasure of mine...), language homework, sitting at my fav cafe, great weather, wine later on my front porch with my dog restlessly watching birds and sniffing the air.  It was all so simple, so wonderful.  Just the other day, a good friend posted on her facebook status something about all the little things she encountered during a routine day.  It really made a lot of people rise to the occasion and comment about how they, we, usually miss these little things.  I try not to...yet I still do, because my over-active sense of responsibility tends to force me to stress unnecessarily.  Life is too short...even when we are granted a long life in the terms of the normal human being in these times.  We should stop and smell the magnolias!

...r.i.p. Uncle

...the music will live on.  I will never listen to those tunes the same way.  I can still sing all the words!  ...a white sport coat, and a pink carnation...peggy sue...ring of fire...tiny bubbles...unchained melody...all the buddy holly, patsy cline, everly brothers...I could go on all night.  I will carry everyone of those songs in my heart.  Grandpa was a part of it.  My dad, my brothers, my cousins, all a part of it, playing together at your lead.  I will miss the silenced voice, but it lives on in my head and in my heart!

...fun and frivolity!

Some how, in the course of my recent rash of life changing moments, I have become acquainted with and quite attached to a group of women from the UK all living here in the metro area.  Well, that "some how" actually has a name -- S.W.  Since meeting her (and then "losing her" to a job transfer...), I have had the pleasure of being adopted into her friend circle.  And this adoption has led to a hidden secret bit of Brit  making itself known...go figure!  From teas to curries...ales to bickies -- (um, not the Australian ones...) its been here in my house all along and I feel very comfortable with them and adore their quickly growing friendships.

As a group, it really all started with the Eurovision Song Contest Gathering 2010.  A hoot of a time...The latest group get together was yesterday's tape delayed viewing of the Royal Wedding.  The company, as always was grand.  The required hats even grander.  And oh, the MENU!  What actually I believe, started as a "bring a bit of food over" turned into the Royal Buffet itself!  JW did her homework and prepared several items from the official menu, very well done, I might add.  The Cadbury Awards for hats was lovely, the Pom and Prosecco was free flowing and the wedding commentary far better than any we were listening to on the broadcast -- either of them CBS or BBC!

 We all had such fun, it left us asking what the next grand event will be to prompt another gathering such as this...Eurovision 2011???